18.12.2017 - the day you left my side

Ever since you left I’m in a loop.

I live my life the usual as I do before, I tried to but I’m in a loop.
I cried, I smiled then I cried again, smiled again.
I woke up in the morning without any thought,
I go to work as usual,
I stared at the blank wall,
I saw your face then only I realized you’re gone.
I cried. I feel so empty. I resumed my work.

Back at home I cheered myself watching movies, varieties and it’s time for bed.
I tuck in myself then the memories flashed,
I realized again that you’re not here anymore,
you’re not in the same world as I am.

I cried again. I bawled at the thought my pain will never be the same as yours.
You’ve suffered more but how can I assumed that the pain I felt now is the same as yours.
No!
Showered with tears, I can’t keep myself in peace.
Shattered. Broken.
It’s too painful that I can’t even expressed it to anyone.

You are my friend.
You gave me laughter, happiness, you keep me calm when I had a rough day.

It’s been 4 days since you left, I still can’t let you go. I’m in denial.
I don’t want to let you go. I never will.

No I won’t. I don’t want to.
I don’t want to believe that you’re not breathing anymore, you’re alive.
Yes you are! Please say that you are alive.

Can you please wake up? You are my friend, my family how can I let you go? How?