Him

They wanted to comfort him
They don't want him to commit the same path as you do
But they kept on mentioning his past
The past that I assured is painful for him to face
The past that I believed he want to forget, to overcome
They said what happened was not his fault,
not to blame himself.
Why did they do that ?
It's wrong!
Stop!
It's not the right way to make him feel relieve
Why do they think it's okay to bring up the past ?
Why emphasizing that it's not his fault ?
What if he never think that way but when reading the self claimed comfort that they send,
it could've gone wrong ?
They shouldn't have do that

6.

Udara

Aku inginkan nafas ku berderu laju

Dadaku turun naik

Tetapi aku seperti tidak bernyawa

Aku hilang arah

Aku sejuk seperti tidak berdarah

Kau pergi jauh mencari kebahagianmu

Kebahagian yang kau rasa kau tidak miliki di dunia ini

Permergianmu merupakan satu titik perubahan bagiku

Bukan berubah lebih baik

Aku makin lemah

Kau pergi kerana hatimu disakiti

Kehilangan kau lebih menyakitkan

Hidup kau menyerikan aku

Tawa kau memberi sinar

Hilang kau menghancurkan aku

Ketiadaan kau menyesakkan aku

Kau kecewa ?

Aku lebih derita

Apa erti semua ini ?

Aku tidak mengerti

Mengapa suratan kita begini ?

Aku menangis saban hari

Mengenangkan kau tiap waktu

Tak pernah sedetik aku melupakan

Ya aku tidak boleh menerima kenyataan

Ya aku buta hati

Aku sedih

Pedih jiwa ini tak siapa peduli

Seperti kau

Aku juga tidak bahagia

Saat kau pergi

Bermula lah detik suram hidupku

Kau pergi membawa senyumanku pergi


-171222-

18.12.2017 - the day you left my side

Ever since you left I’m in a loop.

I live my life the usual as I do before, I tried to but I’m in a loop.
I cried, I smiled then I cried again, smiled again.
I woke up in the morning without any thought,
I go to work as usual,
I stared at the blank wall,
I saw your face then only I realized you’re gone.
I cried. I feel so empty. I resumed my work.

Back at home I cheered myself watching movies, varieties and it’s time for bed.
I tuck in myself then the memories flashed,
I realized again that you’re not here anymore,
you’re not in the same world as I am.

I cried again. I bawled at the thought my pain will never be the same as yours.
You’ve suffered more but how can I assumed that the pain I felt now is the same as yours.
No!
Showered with tears, I can’t keep myself in peace.
Shattered. Broken.
It’s too painful that I can’t even expressed it to anyone.

You are my friend.
You gave me laughter, happiness, you keep me calm when I had a rough day.

It’s been 4 days since you left, I still can’t let you go. I’m in denial.
I don’t want to let you go. I never will.

No I won’t. I don’t want to.
I don’t want to believe that you’re not breathing anymore, you’re alive.
Yes you are! Please say that you are alive.

Can you please wake up? You are my friend, my family how can I let you go? How?